Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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