the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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