what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
