R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
