I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
