Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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