there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I smell stomach acid.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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