Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
