Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well most of my day revolves around power hour
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
