There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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