i think my tv is drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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