when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
