It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
