I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
