On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
