Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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