Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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