K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
