I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
