drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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