boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
