Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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