OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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