idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
