and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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