literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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