What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
