do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
