are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is Oprah even human
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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