Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
