Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
