i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
