Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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