considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
