Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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