bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize