I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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