We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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