His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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