He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
