I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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