She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize