it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
