you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
