my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
