My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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