4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
