Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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