My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
