after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
