Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
