did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
