is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Small penises have feelings too.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
