Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
