"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
