Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
