You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
