i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
