Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
