ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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