i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
