This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
