I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Found your dick twin last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
