Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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