Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
