I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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