Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
