So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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